literature

On a Break

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Nightshade-Black's avatar
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Literature Text

It's torture to not know how you honestly feel...
Whether the things that I'm seeing are false or real...
Did you write this for me? To let me know?
Or are you trying to pretend...trying to put on a show?

This distance, this "break", this time apart...
You're tugging on the cord as it cuts through my heart...
That wound its way into me, every thought every part,
With a surgeon's precision, slicing my being apart.

Every smile, every touch,
Every time that you said it, a part of me knew that I'd come to regret it.
It would be harder...much harder...or maybe impossible for me...
To not be reminded by things that I'd see;
Every couple, every Benz, every unlighted street,
The fact that you aren't sitting in the next seat.

Sometimes I wonder if it was something you meant to say,
If you just said it because you thought it would be better that way...
To make me feel like you cared just as deeply,
To say things that would make me wobbly and weak-kneed...
But you're no trickster...I know deep in my heart,
that you were honest with me right from the start.
You cared and you loved me but I couldn't see, that it wasn't an illusion.
I kept watching my feet...

I was afraid that I'd loose you, so I held in certain things-
Like every time that you leave, my chest starts to sting,
Or how you're so perfect I sometimes look for your wings.
Just a few of those untold, hidden-away-things...
That I sometimes don't say...
Even though you
You let me know
It needn't be that way.

You never would have cared If I drew hearts in the sand...
We even swung arms that night we first held hands.
I'm insecure and I worry, and I keep missing the clue,
You said I needn't worry...and I know that it's true.

Now you won't speak, and I'm tripping ever more,
Hoping to see you walk through my door...
Arms at the ready, to embrace me again.
To be like we were...
The first night we held hands.
I haven't given up, but I'm not sure if I even have hope anymore...I'm trying to believe that he meant what he said and that he'll keep his promise...to tell me how he feels...whenever he starts to talk to me again.

I feel bad for doubting him, for even thinking those things...last time was very different and I know that...I just keep forgetting it.

This poem is not a completely accurate depiction of how I think/feel about it....more like "influenced" by my situation...
© 2009 - 2024 Nightshade-Black
Comments9
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Leliz's avatar
I absolutely LOVE how the poem keeps coming back to holding hands. There's just a sort of intimacy in that feeling of connection. Beautiful.